Battle for earth
The airships hovered overhead the ballistic
and scarred battlefield as the soldiers below fell to their doom as the bullets
sped through their tough armour. The airship landed behind a few buildings so
the enemy bullets could not reach the disembarking soldiers dumped from the
ship. The soldiers started checking their rifles. “Gentlemen!” The general yelled “you’re here today
because…” he didn’t even get that far. A giant creature snaked up behind him
and two jagged blades protruding from its back into his chest .they came
through bloody and teared his chest apart, revealing his exposed organs. “Oh my
god!” some soldiers yelled as gun shots rang out from every direction. I took
out my revolver and blew the aliens head into pieces. Some smaller creatures
were coming through the alleyways towards me. “This’ll be a fun time” I
muttered as my guns rose.
The door blew open as I waltzed inside. I
looked around. I saw a man standing in front of a pane of glass, watching over
the battle field “you must be the grey man!” I yelled out to the man. He
remained silent. I knew something was wrong.
He slowly turned around. His face was half melted, his eyes bulging out
of their sockets, a psychotic grin on his face. I lifted up my communicator and
said in a calm voice: “bring in the heavy cavalry” I said with a smile on my
face. A drop pod smashed through the ceiling and as it landed the sides popped
off to reveal a mechanical being. It had giant robotic arms and legs attached
to a small human body. The grey man realised what it was. It said in a loud,
powerful voice:
“I’m a cyborg!”
It smashed the grey man through the glass,
sending him flying through the air. It leaped out of the room after the small
figure, smashing him to the ground creating a shockwave. Other pods opened up
revealing soldiers wielding guns saying ‘moo moo cannons. “Fire!” the leader
yelled as the cannons blasted out pounding beams from within. More cyborgs fell
from the sky and loaded their ginger sproot blasters and fired rainbow beams of
destruction. The aliens high tech machines were no match for the epic power of
random stuff.
The battle was won.
By Jack Byrne and Kristoffer Gemmel
We think the main storyline was exciting and gripping. We liked how you used a wide range of vocabulary throughout your story, and how you consistently use a large variety of punctuation, and how it was all placed so well. However, we think you could have used more high-frequency words in your text, to make it easier to understand for lower level readers, and also you could have used more commas where perhaps needed. Overall, we thoroughly enjoyed your story, and it was very clever of you to make a story this complicated. Well done!
ReplyDeleteBy: Sam and Ashley.
We think the main storyline was exciting and gripping. We liked how you used a wide range of vocabulary throughout your story, and how you consistently use a large variety of punctuation, and how it was all placed so well. However, we think you could have used more high-frequency words in your text, to make it easier to understand for lower level readers, and also you could have used more commas where perhaps needed. Overall, we thoroughly enjoyed your story, and it was very clever of you to make a story this complicated. Well done!
ReplyDeleteBy: Sam and Ashley.
I really like your comments Sam and Ashley, they are very positive and also give some areas for Kris and Jack to work on. I especially like the part when you are getting them to think about who their audience may be. Mrs S!
ReplyDelete